Does Roy remember this right?

Roy remembers – but did the following outlandish moments in United history even happen?...

Andrew Hague: Earlier this year, the 1990s football nostalgia podcast “Quickly Kevin, Will He Score?” ended after eight years and 14 series. One of my favourite parts of the show was the “Do I Remember This Right?” feature, where listeners would send in football-related memories that they weren’t fully convinced had actually happened. Claims included:

• Terry Venables calling the Bayern Munich manager Ottmar Hitzfeld a “lucky c**t” live on air (not true)

• Newcastle manager Kevin Keegan doing a half-time raffle at Old Trafford as Newcastle’s title fight with Manchester United was ongoing (true)

• Liverpool having a McDonalds in the Kop End (true).

With this in mind, I thought I’d do my very own, United-based, “Do I Remember This Right?”. Below are five incidents that I have a memory of but have never heard anyone else speak about. If any Blades can back me up on these it would be gratefully appreciated. If not, I’ll take a long, hard look at my alcohol consumption before games.

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Before we start, please leave a comment and let me know whether you recall any of these incidents. And let us know your own “Do I Remember This Right?” moments?

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1.0 “Seaman, where’s your kids?”

In the spring of 1999, United were involved in one of the most famous games in FA Cup history. After being drawn away at Highbury to play double winners Arsenal, The Blades were fully expected to exit the competition at the fifth round stage. With just 15 minutes left to play, however, United were heading for a replay at Bramall Lane after Brazilian striker Marcelo scored to cancel out Patrick Vieira’s early opener.

That was until Blades 'keeper Alan Kelly kicked the ball out of play to let his injured teammate Lee Morris receive treatment. Once Morris was back on his feet, Gunners winger Ray Parlour threw the ball back to Kelly in the customary action of "fair play", only for Nigerian striker Kanu to latch onto the ball and pass to Marc Overmars, who tapped the ball home and put Arsenal into the lead. Referee Peter Jones had no option but to award the goal as technically no offence had taken place and despite Blades boss Steve Bruce threatening to take his players off the pitch, causing an eight minute delay, the game eventually continued in frenzied hostility. With the scoreline still at 2-1 as the full time whistle blew it seemed that, despite the controversy, Arsenal would be taking their place in the quarter-finals.

But the drama didn’t end there.

Following the game Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger, understanding the injustice at play, made the unprecedented move of offering the Blades a replay at Highbury. The FA accepted Wenger’s offer, and ten days later the two teams battled it out again. Rather predictably, this “replay” also finished 2-1 to Arsenal.

On such a crazy afternoon, I have one hazy memory of that I often think about and wonder “do I remember this right?”.

In my mind, following the controversial Overmars winner, the Blades fans situated behind David Seaman's goal began angrily chanting "Seaman, where's your kids?" to the then-England international. I believe this was based on Seaman's recent highly published divorce and not because Unitedites had quickly taken matters into their own (safe) hands.

The bit I'm not sure about is whether Seaman attempted to calm down the United fans by trying to reason with them. My memory tells me that the moustachioed giant turned to the irate fans shrugging and trying to talk to those nearest to him as the game was still ongoing. In the final few minutes of the game, I also remember Seaman diving so late following a weak United effort at goal that I was convinced he was thinking of “doing a Hans Segers". Did this happen? Did Seaman talk to United fans, apologising for his team’s actions as the game played out in front of him? Did he consider letting in a cheap goal in a bid to calm everyone down? Do I remember this right?

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2.0 Adrian Bastardo

I have no details about this one other than the name. The only thing I can give you is it was during one of those early Warnock seasons when the club was financially struggling (what’s new?) and every week we seemed to have a completely new strike force. I had a season ticket on the Kop with my mate during these times and we both hold the same memory that during one particular home game, an announcement was made over the tannoy system that instructed an “Adrian Bastardo” to contact the ticket office. My mate and I glanced at each other, both wondering if we’d heard the same thing. To this day we often question other Blades as to whether they too heard the “Adrian Bastardo” message only to be greeted by puzzled looks. Did we mishear the name? Can the “Mandela Effect” be limited to just two people? Are you Adrian Bastardo? Do I remember this right?

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3.0 Goal Music

Continuing with the early Warnock years, before “Tom Hawk” became the song of choice whenever United scored, the theme tune to The Professionals could always be heard at Bramall Lane following a home goal. During a dull game against a similarly unremarkable side (I want to say Crewe?), the away side were on the offensive when suddenly and for no reason, the opening bars of The Professionals goal music was played for just a few seconds.

I may be adding to this memory by saying that the visitor’s attack broke down moments after this and one of the opposition players began complaining to the ref that this impromptu blast of sound had put his team off, leading to them giving the ball away. I think United went on to win by the only goal but maybe I have embellished this to make it seem even more significant. Either way, I definitely have a recollection of the goal music being played at the Lane at an erroneous time before quickly coming to a halt. Did this happen? Was it Crewe? Did a player complain about it? Do I remember this right?

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4.0 “Gannon, you’re shit!”

My dad dragged me to Bramall Lane long before I had any interest in football. He has since said he wanted to me to “catch the bug” but I’m not sure taking a six-year-old to watch third-tier football was the best way to achieve this. That said, here I am writing about United-related things that I’m not sure even happened.

I believe the first game I ever attended was a 2-1 home win against Bury in 1988 with a certain Chris Wilder scoring the winner via a penalty. My first memory of this wasn’t anything to do with the game, though. As I stood on the Kop with my dad waiting to watch something I had no interest in, I remember the teams walking out to thunderous applause. This applause lasted until just a few seconds after kick-off when a bloke behind me suddenly screamed “Gannon, you’re shit”!”.

I recall at the time being confused that our own fans were berating our own players but it’s only years later that I pondered why this fan was so angry at midfielder John Gannon so soon after kick-off. My dad later quipped that he must have seen him play before, but to this day I have never heard one of our own players be singled out so quickly. Did he even have time to touch the ball? Has my memory played tricks on me and this incident actually happened well into the game? Was Gannon shit? Was he shit at this specific time? Do I remember this right?

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5.0 ‘Keeper Throws His Cap On The Ball

Towards the end of the ’98/’99 campaign, playoff-chasing United travelled to a sunny Oakwell and found themselves one down to Barnsley deep into the second half. As United tried to get back into the game, a through ball was played towards the area and the Blades' Brazilian forward Marcelo ran onto it hoping to grab an equaliser. My memory tells me that Barnsley's keeper, Tony Bullock, sporting a baseball cap to block out the sun, came running out of his goal hoping to reach the ball before Marcelo. As it became evident that Bullock wouldn’t get there before Marcelo, the ’keeper suddenly threw his cap at the ball, hitting it and forcing Marcelo to go wider than he wanted before the attack fizzled out.

Marcelo did later equalise before Barnsley grabbed a winner but the question that has always stayed with me following this game is whether the Barnsley goalie actually threw his cap at the ball. I’ve spoken to a few people since the event who have unconvincingly mumbled that maybe they also saw this happen – but I get the feeling they were just humouring me.

Did Tony Bullock throw his cap at the ball to stop an attack? Is this against the rules? Was it even sunny? Do I remember this right?

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Please get in touch and let me know whether you recall any of these incidents. If you have your own Blades-related “Do I Remember This Right?” moments then please share. This is a safe space.

And if you think that your recollection of something is simply too outlandish to be true, don’t forget that this actually happened:

UTB!