What a measured argument this is from Becky Parry. In what might have been merely a reactive rant, the writer makes incontrovertible points and places the responsibilities where they lie, with the father and perhaps with us. It brought to mind the many occasions when I have wanted to speak up but have remained sheepish among others who must have shared my dismay. Becky Parry makes the point and suggests it might be addressed; I hope she has started a valuable debate.
Thank you, Becky, for a very balanced contribution, and to The Pinch for publishing this. I can well understand how you must have felt following this, and I agree with the comments already made. I am a season ticket holder in the South Stand, and have occasionally made a quiet comment when swearing was particularly strong, given the number of children around us. At those times, an apology was given and language toned down. However, there is always a risk - I think we are lucky in our particular area. Becky, this was at a different level - you were in an impossible position as this father was making the comments directly at his child and no-one would want to risk inflaming this situation.
I think Andy has made some constructive suggestions around this - it does need to be at Club level. That way, there would be support for speaking out when unacceptable incidents occur.
“Speaking up” at the match rarely ends well. I have done it a couple of times and it has gone badly both times. The problem is, most of us sit and simmer about the annoying swearer, or the racist, and when you finally say something, you are at the end of your tether. For a season ticket holder, this can lead to an awkward situation every two weeks!
In this instance I think you were in an impossible position; you can’t report bad parenting to a steward, and if you had said something to this dad, I guarantee he wouldn’t have taken kindly to it, and it probably wouldn’t have improved things for that poor lad’s day. Dad isn’t going to change his parenting style based on input from strangers, sadly. Unfortunately it is very likely that the dad is a lot worse at home, so I feel very sorry this poor boy, and one can only hope he has a supportive mum at home to counter his dad’s rage.
I think in terms of doing something constructive about this, the most realistic option would be for the club (and it could be any club that starts this off, but why not lead with this SUFC?) to run a campaign highlighting how shameful this is, something that really hits home to those that do it and makes them realise that this campaign is very specifically aimed at them.
That said I wonder if one reason this hasn't happened already is reputational, perhaps no club wants to suggest they have a particular problem with this?
If so that's nonsense though (just as it is with racism or homophobia), I think people are sensible enough to understand that this is a football/societal problem, not one that particularly affects Utd or Sheffield.
The club might also want some data on how often this happens, so perhaps an effective reporting mechanism is the first thing needed?
I'm also curious what stand this took place in? I've not heard anyone do this in John Street (though I've heard and seen other poor (imo) behaviour, including a particular dad sat with his kid who regularly shouts at the ref and linesman, grabbed a walking stick from an elederly fan behind him who he felt was knocking his seat [they, not he, had to move their seats!], and starting a violent shouting match with another fan). Maybe it would be easier to speak up there, in the family stand, maybe not, hard to know unless you actually end up in that position.
In the two latter situations I and others did speak up, but it wasn't particularly effective and the stewards became aware anyway (not that anything was done about it afaik).
Really important issue raised by Becky, we shouldn’t shy away from.
Football reflects society and as such we are bound to experience a variety of views, backgrounds ,and behaviours that we can all find challenging depending on our own experience, whilst supporting our club.
Some are more obviously easily dealt with these days due to better awareness of issues.
Hopefully over time, due to articles and actions from people like yourself and policies at club and governing body levels we can help to inform and educate on the impact of certain behaviours.
Thanks, Becky – I can only say “hear, hear” to all the points in your article and also how sorry I am that you – or any of us – should have to witness this behaviour which, really, doesn’t have a lot to do with football or support or, indeed, the interest of the child.
I could write reams on this subject (’though I won’t here!). Many and many have been the times when I’ve been in the same situation – longing to say something, but fearing the consequences, so keeping mum; and it really shouldn’t be like that.
And of course, there’s the rub – “Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing” – so runs the quote.
Sometimes I think it’s the parents who should go to school, rather than the children! For just about everything in life you need a licence, a qualification, a permission, training, even a passport to travel, but anyone can become a parent . . .
Everything you’ve written is valid; thank you for expressing it. We can only hope for change and perhaps if anyone at the Club is reading this, it could start with SUFC.
What a measured argument this is from Becky Parry. In what might have been merely a reactive rant, the writer makes incontrovertible points and places the responsibilities where they lie, with the father and perhaps with us. It brought to mind the many occasions when I have wanted to speak up but have remained sheepish among others who must have shared my dismay. Becky Parry makes the point and suggests it might be addressed; I hope she has started a valuable debate.
Thank you, Becky, for a very balanced contribution, and to The Pinch for publishing this. I can well understand how you must have felt following this, and I agree with the comments already made. I am a season ticket holder in the South Stand, and have occasionally made a quiet comment when swearing was particularly strong, given the number of children around us. At those times, an apology was given and language toned down. However, there is always a risk - I think we are lucky in our particular area. Becky, this was at a different level - you were in an impossible position as this father was making the comments directly at his child and no-one would want to risk inflaming this situation.
I think Andy has made some constructive suggestions around this - it does need to be at Club level. That way, there would be support for speaking out when unacceptable incidents occur.
“Speaking up” at the match rarely ends well. I have done it a couple of times and it has gone badly both times. The problem is, most of us sit and simmer about the annoying swearer, or the racist, and when you finally say something, you are at the end of your tether. For a season ticket holder, this can lead to an awkward situation every two weeks!
In this instance I think you were in an impossible position; you can’t report bad parenting to a steward, and if you had said something to this dad, I guarantee he wouldn’t have taken kindly to it, and it probably wouldn’t have improved things for that poor lad’s day. Dad isn’t going to change his parenting style based on input from strangers, sadly. Unfortunately it is very likely that the dad is a lot worse at home, so I feel very sorry this poor boy, and one can only hope he has a supportive mum at home to counter his dad’s rage.
Agree with the other comments posted so far.
I think in terms of doing something constructive about this, the most realistic option would be for the club (and it could be any club that starts this off, but why not lead with this SUFC?) to run a campaign highlighting how shameful this is, something that really hits home to those that do it and makes them realise that this campaign is very specifically aimed at them.
That said I wonder if one reason this hasn't happened already is reputational, perhaps no club wants to suggest they have a particular problem with this?
If so that's nonsense though (just as it is with racism or homophobia), I think people are sensible enough to understand that this is a football/societal problem, not one that particularly affects Utd or Sheffield.
The club might also want some data on how often this happens, so perhaps an effective reporting mechanism is the first thing needed?
I'm also curious what stand this took place in? I've not heard anyone do this in John Street (though I've heard and seen other poor (imo) behaviour, including a particular dad sat with his kid who regularly shouts at the ref and linesman, grabbed a walking stick from an elederly fan behind him who he felt was knocking his seat [they, not he, had to move their seats!], and starting a violent shouting match with another fan). Maybe it would be easier to speak up there, in the family stand, maybe not, hard to know unless you actually end up in that position.
In the two latter situations I and others did speak up, but it wasn't particularly effective and the stewards became aware anyway (not that anything was done about it afaik).
Really important issue raised by Becky, we shouldn’t shy away from.
Football reflects society and as such we are bound to experience a variety of views, backgrounds ,and behaviours that we can all find challenging depending on our own experience, whilst supporting our club.
Some are more obviously easily dealt with these days due to better awareness of issues.
Hopefully over time, due to articles and actions from people like yourself and policies at club and governing body levels we can help to inform and educate on the impact of certain behaviours.
Excellent and thought provoking article Becky👍 i sit in the Family Stand as I cannot bear some of the language I hear when going to away matches....
Thanks, Becky – I can only say “hear, hear” to all the points in your article and also how sorry I am that you – or any of us – should have to witness this behaviour which, really, doesn’t have a lot to do with football or support or, indeed, the interest of the child.
I could write reams on this subject (’though I won’t here!). Many and many have been the times when I’ve been in the same situation – longing to say something, but fearing the consequences, so keeping mum; and it really shouldn’t be like that.
And of course, there’s the rub – “Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing” – so runs the quote.
Sometimes I think it’s the parents who should go to school, rather than the children! For just about everything in life you need a licence, a qualification, a permission, training, even a passport to travel, but anyone can become a parent . . .
Everything you’ve written is valid; thank you for expressing it. We can only hope for change and perhaps if anyone at the Club is reading this, it could start with SUFC.
Sue.