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March & April, two months that finally confirmed the inevitable.

Andrew Hague

Arsenal (H)

United had conceded five goals in each of their previous three home games and a visit from league leaders Arsenal had fans worried we were heading for another five-star horror show. To be fair, United did manage to avoid conceding five: this time, they conceded six as the Gunners went back to London with a 6-0 victory.

It was another home hammering and the fans had lost the will to live:

Even the opposition managers now seemed to feel sorry for us:

It was another dreadful night to be a Blade as United were once again embarrassed in front of the watching world. Relegation was now a foregone conclusion and the only question fans had left to ask was “how many more of these do we have to sit through?”

Bournemouth (A)

For both fans and players, morale was now at rock bottom. Few expected anything but another battering away at Bournemouth but against the odds United managed to get themselves into a two-goal lead thanks to strikes from Gus Hamer and Jack Robinson. Inevitably, United couldn’t hold onto the lead and conceded two goals in the final 15 minutes meaning they had to settle for a point. Still, it was a point more than anyone expected and, amazingly, it moved United off the bottom of the table:

Alas, the euphoria of being off the bottom only lasted 24 hours when the next day Burnley grabbed a point at West Ham:

United left the Vitality Stadium and headed into a three-week hiatus due to an international break and the fixture against Manchester United being moved due to the Red Devils’ FA Cup run. It was probably the best period of the season for fans, who now just wanted it all to end.

Fulham (H)

The Blades returned to action with a game at home to mid-table Fulham and supporters once again witnessed another six goals… this time though, United scored half of them! After a tame first half, the game exploded into life when Ben Brereton Díaz put the home side in front. Fulham soon equalised but United soon raced into a 3-1 lead with a goal from Oli McBurnie that was quickly added to by Brereton Díaz’s second of the game. There were just five minutes to go when United seemed to seal the game with another McBurnie strike. Unfortunately, after a lengthy VAR check, the goal was ruled out after replays apparently showed that Viní Souza had touched the ball in the build-up whilst being in an offside position.

Moments later Fulham pulled one back and United had gone from being three goals ahead to just one within the space of a minute. After the fourth official held up 14 minutes (fourteen minutes) of additional time, it seemed only a matter of when Fulham would equalise and sure enough the visitors grabbed a point thanks to a superb Rodrigo Muniz bicycle kick in the 93^rd minute. It was cruel but United had again given a decent account of themselves and the performances since that Arsenal thrashing had at least clawed back some dignity. Next up though was a real test, away at new league leaders Liverpool.  

Liverpool (A)

Jürgen Klopp’s decision to stand down as Liverpool manager at the end of the season had led to some frankly embarrassing outbursts of sadness from Reds fans but the collective crazed grief of his departure was very real judging by some of the items now being sold in the Anfield club shop:

It was always going be hard for United to get something at Anfield but Blades goalkeeper Ivo Grbić took it upon himself to make things even more difficult when, 17 minutes into the first half and under almost no pressure, the Croatian stopper inexplicably blasted the ball against Liverpool striker Darwin Núñez and was left helpless as the ball rebounded into the goal. In a season that has produced some unbelievable moments of ineptitude, this mistake might have been the most ridiculous yet:

To their credit, United didn’t feel sorry for themselves and shocked the home fans in the second half by equalising via a Conor Bradley own goal. United continued to cause problems while Liverpool seemed to have run out of ideas. Eventually, though, the league leaders’ class told as a rocket from Alexis Mac Allister was followed by a Cody Gakpo goal to seal a 3-1 victory for Liverpool. United had lost, but it was another improved showing and there were positives to take into the next home game against Chelsea.

Chelsea (H)

Despite spending around £400 billion, Chelsea were having a poor season and languishing in mid-table. Despite this, they still had quality and duly went ahead in the first half after United conceded yet another sloppy goal from a corner. The Blades were playing well though and Jayden Bogle’s equaliser after 30 minutes was thoroughly deserved. United were the better side from here on in but conceded against the run of play just after the hour mark and seemed to be heading for yet another defeat. Thankfully, their performance was eventually rewarded when, in the 93^rd minute,  Oli McBurnie knocked home to give United a more than deserved share of the spoils:

It was another good display and whilst we were now winless in seven, United had regained some pride with their recent efforts. Unfortunately, the feel-ok factor was brought to an abrupt end a few days after the Chelsea game when it was revealed that United would be starting next season on -2 points due to unpaid transfer fees. Not content with making this season as miserable as possible, United had already started work on trying to make next season equally as gloomy.

Brentford (A)

United had never played at the new Gtech Community Stadium so a trip to Brentford was a great opportunity to tick off a new ground. Unfortunately, that tick was the only thing supporters took home with them as the Blades went down to a 2-0 defeat in a game that will not live long in the memory. It was another nail in United’s already heavily sealed coffin, but there was still hope that United could avoid finishing bottom. The only team they could realistically catch were up next.

Burnley (H)

In a season of spectacular lows, the game against Burnley was up there with anything else we’d had thrown at us. The Clarets had only won four games all season themselves and this was, in effect, a Championship game being played in the Premier League.

United lost. 4-1. We lost 4-1 at home to the only team left in the league that we still had any realistic chance of catching.

Gus Hamer’s goal was the one bright spot on a terrible afternoon that saw various Blades players singled out by supporters. So far, United fans had mostly done their talking by simply leaving the stadium long before games had ended but here the atmosphere bordered on toxic. Incredible individual errors and a mentally weak set of players combined to gift three points to a Burnley side who had now scored over a quarter of their season’s goals against United. Fans had now truly turned and they were looking for anything to get them excited.

It was another dark day in a season that hadn’t yet given up on psychologically damaging fans as much as possible. It’s got to be over soon, right?

Man Utd (A)

United games were now taking on a fairly familiar pattern. We’d score and look like we were about to get something before folding like a pack of cards that contained only jokers. We went in front twice at Old Trafford, thanks to goals from Jayden Bogle and Ben Brereton Díaz, but those old defensive frailties ensured it was another defeat for the Blades as they went down 4-2 to an unspectacular Manchester United side.

Newcastle (A)

It was incredible, really, that United had taken it this far, but relegation was finally confirmed at St James’ Park as United went down in style. Once again going in front, this time courtesy of Anel Ahmedhodžić, the Blades eventually crashed to a 5-1 defeat as once again the team totally crumbled in the second half. It was almost a year to the day that United had beaten West Bromwich Albion at Bramall Lane to secure promotion:

So, we were down. There were no tears. No outpouring of grief. No real anger. We had realistically known how this season would end from the moment we sold Iliman Ndiaye, but surely none of us could have imagined it being this bad. A 3-1 loss to Nottingham Forest that once again followed a familiar pattern of promise and dashed hopes compounded the flat misery across Bramall Lane.

There are still two games to go. Some may say they are meaningless now, but in reality, our games have been meaningless for months. We will be there though. Singing, laughing and doing our best to enjoy the final breaths of a truly horrible experience. I wish I could end on a positive, but even Wednesday are staying up. In fact, this entire season feels like a script written by a Wednesdayite.

Just wake me up in August.

UTB!