Andrew ‘Roy’ Hague casts a bewildered eye over online fan content from the month that was. Make sure you load images for this one.
March
The Blades began the month of March with as many players on the treatment table as we had “on the grass”, a phrase favoured by manager Paul Heckingbottom.
He says it a lot.
No, really. Loads…
Middlesbrough (H)
A 1-1 draw at home to Forest on Friday 4 March set us up for arguably the most anticipated game of the season on the following Tuesday, as Chris Wilder returned to the Lane with Middlesbrough.
There was very little talk on social media beforehand about what might happen on the pitch. Instead, we were subjected to thousands of Blades describing how they were going to react to Wilder’s return to his boyhood club.
In the lead-up, fans spent their time forthrightly telling nobody in particular exactly how they were going to behave before, during and after the great homecoming.
Thankfully, nobody replicated the plans of this Northampton fan back in 2017 when Wilder was Blades manager and returned to another of his former clubs (Guess the missing words!).
In the end, and to nobody’s surprise, most fans heartily clapped Wilder with some even singing his name.
It was an emotional evening as exemplified by “Big Rob” from The Shoreham View who, I swear, is wiping away a few tears around the 7mins 22secs mark here:
However, one fan wasn't as welcoming as most. And for him, the old two-finger salute was the gesture he found most fitting. The fact that he looks a bit like Wilder in glasses just adds to the magic for me:
The game itself saw the Blades run out comfortable 4-1 winners; the performance of the season so far.
On his vlog, the flat-cap-wearing George Harrison lookalike, Travelling Blade, summed up the mood perfectly by shouting “get in, get in; f*** off, f*** off" immediately after Sharp had knocked in the second goal.
After the game, on the Tufty Club podcast, Marc "Webbo" Webster described the ridiculous Gibbs-White backheel goal simply as "sex". Whilst co-host Deadbat, who was in uncharacteristically high spirits, managed to add to the duo's vast catalogue of impressions (as heard on the Tufty Club) by attempting a truly terrible American accent as he tried to imitate the U.S hosts of fellow podcast, The Red Half of Sheffield.
For their part in their post-match output, The Red Half created an advert, complete with music, asking people to donate in the hope of raising enough money to sign Gibbs-White permanently. It’s unknown how close to the £30m or so target they currently are.
However, it was actually a couple of ‘Boro Vloggers who gave us the funniest (two!) bits of content from the night. I mean, who sings "It's all gone quiet over there" when you are 2-0 down and the opposition has a corner? (Answer: hit play to find out).
Thankfully they didn't learn from this and by the 4th goal they found themselves being trolled by the non-goal-scoring, bearded banter merchant, Oli McBurnie:
He’s got no watch and he’s got no goals but Oli certainly seemed to be enjoying himself.
Oh yeah, and one more thing…........a Dinosaur in the away end? Why? Who? What?
Coventry (A)
After the euphoria of ‘Boro, Coventry was always going to have the feel of after the Lord Mayor’s show, but no Blades fan could have expected such a contrast in performances.
Coventry would have scored eight if not for the heroics of “League One Wes”. The only good thing to come out of the whole day was Hal Stewart, the small one from the award-winning Youtube channel “Sheff United Way", making his vlogging debut.
In scenes evoking the build-up to old FA Cup finals on the BBC, when we would be shown a glimpse into players’ private lives, Hal took us on a journey to his parent’s house and their hugely impressive garden. If that wasn’t enough, on his Twitter page, Hal also gave his fans a behind-the-scenes look at the snack-based carnage that took place in Coventry.
Blackpool (A)
The Blackpool game came next, where the entire match was summed up succinctly by Johnny Gascoigne from The Shoreham View:
With two perfectly good goals disallowed, a bench with an average age of about eight and the injuries showing no signs of letting up, everything seemed like it going wrong for United, as usual.
In fact, that 0-0 draw at Bloomfield Road saw United slip down to 9th in the table. In the space of seven days, we had gone from looking up at Bournemouth in second to wondering whether we would finish above Blackpool…Blackpool!
It was vitally important we won the next match against Barnsley and thankfully that’s exactly what happened. A 2-0 win (unlike at Blackpool, the officials actually awarded clear goals) saw the Blades go into the international break in 5th place and with a 69% chance of reaching the play offs according to actual real science:
When it came to summarising the month of March, the fabulous Four Blades In The Pub podcast was on hand. Highlights from their latest pod, included:
Norrington-Davies being likened to “Eeyore”…
…referring to former Blades ‘keeper Aaron Ramsdale as “Scargill” (went on strike; get it?)
…and debating whether Ben Osborn was about to join Mensa by virtue of reading a book.
On the subject of Osborn, it looks like we will not be renewing his contract at the end of the season as he seems to have accepted an offer elsewhere:
New signing
Despite no more games being played, there was more news to come in March. During the international break, the Blades surprisingly signed Croatian international, Filip Uremovic, until the end of the season.
Naturally, most Blades had no idea who Uremovic was. And this meant his Wikipedia page suddenly became the most clicked-on webpage in Sheffield.
On his wiki, it stated that our new centre back had played a staggering 1,920 times for his country, and whilst this was quickly revealed to be false information, it did heavily influence this incredible chant written by S2 forum user TJB (to the tune of She’s Electric by Oasis).
And that was pretty much March in the world of Sheffield United social media.
Tears, bad impressions, blind linesmen, and new chants.
By the end of April, we will probably know if we will be in the play offs or not. Five wins might be enough to see us experience scenes like this again:
All round to Hal’s mums for commiseration sandwiches after the final?
Andrew Hague is a friend first, podcaster second, probably entertainer third. He runs Roy’s View From and you can find him arguing with opposition fans on Twitter @Panchero.
Brilliant review of the month 😂 Keep them coming Andrew & here's to Hal's Mum keeping the sandwiches on hold & uncorking the champers 🥂