Wish you were here: dream summer signings
The Pinch & pals pick our dream signings from Championship rivals
It’s summer.
Well, it’s not technically summer, but the football season has ended, and British gardens are redolent of barbecues and picky bits. Emails are increasingly bouncing back with out-of-office messages from colleagues on annual leave. And, of course, Blades fans are already showing signs of irritation towards the perceived lack of activity in the transfer market.
It is summer! And with that in mind, we thought we’d relax into the silly season with a sunny daydream of a Monday article.
If you could choose one player - a dream signing - to join the Blades from a Championship rival (2022/23), who would it be?
That’s the question we’ve posed to Blades fans. With huge thanks to fellow dreamers Jon Bradley, Darren Smith, Tom Blow, Hal Stewart, Jack Simpson, Alec Proffitt and DeadBat… here are the answers.
Defender
Sam Parry - DEM Blades, The Pinch
Selection: Jake Cooper
Current Club: Millwall
Position: Defender
Why:
He’s massive. And he always scores against us. So at the very worst, we’d sign him, plonk him in the under-23s and concede fewer goals. Jokes aside, he’s an elite (IMO) centre half for this division. All teams want height in the box to concede fewer goals: that’s Jake Cooper. All teams want height in the box to (a) score goals, or (b) make it more likely for others to score goals: that’s Jake Cooper.
Playing almost every game for Millwall last season, he was a massive part of a defensive unit that conceded just 45 goals. Only three other teams conceded 45 goals or less: Sheffield United, Fulham and Bournemouth. Can you imagine the thriftiness of a defence with John Egan, Chris Basham and Jake Cooper? Tighter than putting confetti on elastic!
Where does he fit in?
I haven’t a bad word to say about Jack Robinson, although I probably have a few choice ambivalent ones. He’s been solid. His throw is dangerous. He’s worked hard and proved fans wrong, and that’s a quality I hugely admire. But let’s have it right: a goal-scoring, former-bogey-player centre half who is just shy of two metres tall (6 foot 4 inches) is exactly the sort of signing we need. Cooper plays in a 3-5-2 already, so he slots in perfectly. (And Jacky Longthrow would be a superb option from the bench.)
Could it happen?
Wouldn’t have thought so. Cooper has another year left on his deal, and I doubt we’d chuck millions at him. Although, it’s not the most unrealistic pick in this list!
Midfielders
David Taylor - The Pinch, DEM Blades
Selection: Jed Wallace
Current Club: Millwall
Position: Midfielder
Why:
He’s one of the best midfielders in the Championship, and a player that almost certainly has the ability and mentality to take a further step up.
Where does he fit in?
As much as our midfield cohort has produced some fantastic moments for the club, not least during our phenomenal run to the Premier League, change is a good thing. A permanent addition that can play all across the centre – and up front when needed – would only serve to push our current crop to a more consistent level of performance. Now Morgan Gibbs-White in a United shirt only exists in our hearts, Wallace would be a strong bet to replace the '21/'22 player of the year's goal and assist contributions.
Could it happen?
It’s certainly a possibility. Wallace is available on a free this summer after reportedly turning down a new deal with Millwall, and the opportunity to play for a team chasing automatic promotion must be at the forefront of his ambitions.
The most likely destination for the midfielder is West Bromwich Albion, as he recently spent time on holiday with Callum Robinson, Alex Mowatt and Sam Johnstone. Salford striker Matt Smith played with Wallace at Millwall, and happens to be Steve Bruce’s son-in-law, so that might also add to the Baggies’ chances. However, Wallace has said he wants to join his close friend Conor Coady in the Premier League, so I’m hoping Conor has put in a good word – and, let’s be honest, we all know West Brom are going to finish seventh.
Jon Bradley – Four Blades in the Pub
Selection: Ilias Chair
Current Club: QPR
Position: Attacking Midfielder
Why:
Over the last two seasons, Chair has contributed goals and assists in an incredibly inconsistent QPR side. At 24, his best years are still ahead of him and he would give us a big injection of much-needed flair into the side. A full international Chair would be an ambitious coup considering our suspect financial position but an outlay worth it for me considering his numbers.
Chair reminds me of Mark Duffy, on the shorter side but can drop his shoulder and glide past a man at ease. Not afraid to shoot, he'd add extra dynamism to our attack whether he was to play in a front two or behind two more recognised strikers.
I won’t lie, this decision is motivated by the potential to have an Arctic Monkeys-inspired song ringing around away ends and from Shoreham Street on matchday.
Where does he fit in?
The end to last season showed that attacking players who aren’t a traditional number ‘9’ can more than contribute in the final third in our system, and do lots more than fill a circular hole with a peg that’s square! Like MGW (good god I miss him already) Chair fits the bill perfectly: good on the ball, likes to beat a man and chips in with the goals.
Could it happen?
In January QPR tied him down until 2025, so sadly I think he would be too rich for us but stranger things have happened, like people wearing shellsuits on bonfire night.
Darren Smith
Selection: Josh Bowler
Current club: Blackpool
Position: Winger
Why:
Wingers that get bums off seats with their dribbling ability are a rare breed. Add in an ability to look up and supply a final ball, scoring goals and assists; you have a special talent.
When the Blades travelled to Blackpool, The Seasiders had a player who really caused us trouble down the right flank, cutting in on his natural left foot, low socks and shin guards, sturdy thighs, floppy hair and gloves. You wanted to hate him, but what a talent. Gliding past players and looking a threat whenever he got the ball. A look at his goals and assists suggest that that was no one-off: scoring 7 and making 3 assists.
Identified as an exciting talent at QPR he was snapped up by Everton at just 18. A season on loan at Hull apart he never progressed and was released last summer. Despite much interest from bigger clubs, he chose Blackpool and untapped that potential.
Where does he fit?
Yes "we don't play with wingers" but he isn't a hug-the-touchline wide player. Seems naturally suited to an advanced role on the right played by Berge when he returned from injury and equally adept at floating into the "Duffy role" that Berge adopted at the end of the season. If the big Norwegian left, that would give the club a budget to sign a perfect replacement and still have funds in hand to strengthen other areas. A right flank of Bogle, Bash and Bowler!
Could it happen?
In January there was strong interest with offers up to £3m reportedly rebuffed but Josh only has one more season in contract and has now lost his mentor, Neil Critchley.
Forwards
Tom Blow
Selection: Ben Brereton Diaz
Current Club: Blackburn Rovers
Position: Forward
Why?
Brereton Diaz would be a brilliant signing for the Blades. He’s only 23 and has enough pace to get in behind Championship defenders. His finishing is superb – finding the back of the net 22 times last term – and stands at over six foot. There isn’t a better forward in the second tier right now (not including those who’ve just been promoted, such as Aleksandar Mitrovic).
Where does he fit in?
We’ve got a lot of strikers at Bramall Lane but let’s be honest – they’re either overrated, constantly injured or old (and sometimes all three). Billy Sharp remains our only guaranteed goal threat, and we simply cannot rely on a player who’s eligible to receive his footballer’s pension.
Hopefully one of Rhian Brewster, Daniel Jebbison or Iliman Ndiaye will be prolific in front of goal next season – but there are no guarantees, and another striker is probably needed with Hecky playing two up front.
And don’t get me started on Oli McBurnie. We spent £20million on a player who failed to score a single Championship goal last season. Sell him, please.
Could it happen?
Probably not, although Brereton Diaz only has 12 months left on his existing deal and could be tempted with a move to South Yorkshire if the price is right. Could you imagine if we signed him? Our very own Chile international banging in goals in front of the Kop. It’s what dreams are made of.
Hal Stewart - Sheff United Way
Selection: Ben Brereton Diaz
Editor’s note: who said no two dreams are the same?!
Current Club: Blackburn Rovers
Position: Striker
Why:
It feels like no-one knew Ben could represent Chile except the computer game Football Manager and presumably his Chilean mother but since declaring himself for the national side and changing his name from ‘Brereton’ to ‘Brereton Diaz’ the Stoke-born striker has become something of a fairy-tale South American superstar. He’s now adorning hoardings and advertising Pepsi on TV in Chile, it’s surely been a whirlwind for him.
He went from scoring 17 goals in 5 seasons to suddenly bagging 22 in just 37 league games during the 21/22 season. He’s even scored against Argentina.
Signing Brereton Diaz would be our way of bringing in an internationally proven striker (who would get a work permit under any rules), adding some South American flair, albeit with a touch of the Potteries and we’d start selling Blades shirts in Santiago. What’s not to love?
Where does he fit in?
Up top scoring goals in the red and white, a classic number 9 and we really need one of those. He’s been used to playing in similar systems which deploy 3 at the back, use holding midfielders and he’s played in formations with an attacking midfielder sitting in behind. Oh what a joy it could be to see him link up with our Senegalese wonderkid Iliman Ndiaye.
Could it happen?
Highly unlikely, Blackburn will be desperate to keep hold of him but I foresee a bidding war and United won’t be able to match the type of figures being bandied about unless we sell one of our star players and reinvest the cash in Brereton Diaz. But one can dream.
Jack Simpson
Selection: Antoine Semenyo
Current Club: Bristol City
Position: Striker
Why:
How do you solve a problem like no more Morgan Gibbs-White? Well, let’s be honest, you don’t really. Involved in 20 of our goals last season, there will be a gaping wide creative hole in the Blades starting line-up next season. However, if you are scouring the league for the closest thing to the man who stole our hearts for one glorious season, you don’t have to look much further than Antoine Semenyo.
He makes goals. Third in the assists table with 12, two more than Gibbs-White, and the best chances per 90 mins in the league.
He scores goals, really, really good goals. Eight goals last season, including two beauties against Fulham away, see 1:49 & 2:12 below).
But he does the other things Gibbs-White does too. His first instinct is to move forward when he gets the ball, something we became accustomed with Gibbs-White. And when he gets going, there are not many better carriers of the ball in the league either. The Blades found this out the hard way in the second half at Ashton Gate where most of Bristol City’s counter attacks at some point involved Semenyo dribbling 20 yards.
Where does he fit in?
See above. In truth, he is probably a bit more comfortable out wide than through the middle but with his ability, it wouldn’t be too hard to get him to adapt. Looking at his assists, many come from him driving to the byline and putting balls across. Meat and drink for a fit Billy.
However, he has the skill and pace to play as a front two too. He is even quicker without the ball than he is with it (see Basham Vs Semenyo Ashton Gate 18 April 2022) and can play off the shoulder, something we are lacking.
Could it happen?
Alas, no. Semenyo is already getting admiring glances from top clubs. If you read some of the football transfer websites, Celtic are paying close attention with a potential £20m pricetag being touted. And with him soon to make his debut for Ghana, his stock is only going to rise. But Blades fans, we can but dream.
Alec Proffitt
Selection: Lucas Joao
Current Club: Reading
Position: Striker
Why:
Look let's be clear, I am still absolutely raging about how the Reading game at BDTBL went down, but there were two things that I enjoyed despite myself.
Firstly the stoppage time limbs in the away end looked like a whole lot of fun and gave my two boys something to chuckle about on the way out of the ground.
Secondly, Lucas Jaoa's no-nonsense performance and finish were something even an angry and jaded 44-year old man boy could enjoy despite the aforementioned rage.
I don't tend to know much about the opposition before a Blades match, I was always brought up to "concentrate on what we can do on the pitch, forget about them" in my entirely amateurish "career" in the not-so-beautiful game. That means I go into most Blades games with little knowledge or expectation from the opposition. So occasionally I get pleasantly surprised by someone with the opposition and Joao genuinely impressed me with his speed, strength and that lash of a finish.
Where does he fit in?
Now Mr Bettis has sorted the training pitch (insert dismissive snort HERE) we can expect our strikers to be fit and healthy for an entire season. But with McBurnie averaging a massive three goals a season, and Illy and Rhian still with a lot to learn, having someone of Joao's speed, strength and temperament, as well as age and experience, he would be the kind of fella who could bring the young lads on as Didzy has. A Didzy 2 if you like. He just needs a beard and the lovely personality. Plus it would hopefully push the board into getting shot of a certain striker who's currently on loan at the South London Fascists. Cos I am absolutely certain I DON'T want to see that bizarre dress sense around S2. Ever. Again.
Could it happen?
Not sure what his wages are but fee and weekly outlay would likely be way under McBurnie. But I cannot see the Board facing up to that particular issue so it looks like we are stuck with the same strike force. Just hope Billy is good for one more season.
The Full Eleven
DeadBat - The Tufty Club
Editor’s note: Not content with a single player, Deadbat’s picked an entire team. As his fellower podcaster remarked: Give DB an Adrian Heath (inch) and he tries to take a mile (for which I can’t think of an ex-Blade).
GK – Sam Johnstone (West Brom) – Solid and reliable at this level.
RWB – Max Aarons (Norwich) – Talented player who needs to move on you would feel
LWB – Kai Naismith (Bristol City) – Will use him at left wing back but can play right or left centre back and is also versatile enough to come out. One I’d have liked us to have looked at.
LCB – Jake Cooper (Millwall) – No reason needed apart from to stop him scoring against us. I like him though and feel he will fit in well here.
CB – James Tarkowski (Burnley) – Would be the lynchpin in the middle of the three.
RCB – Paddy McNair (Middlesborough) – Solid centre back who can do a bit of everything.
CM – Lewis O’Brien (Huddersfield) – Box to box. Competitive, gets up and down and has an eye for a pass.
CM – Sander Berge (SUFC) – Our most valuable asset. Showed at tines last season why he was so highly rated.
ACM/FWD – Keane Lewis Potter (Hull City) – Superb young talent that is set for big things.
FWD/ACM – Ismaila Sarr (Watford) – Pace and ability. Can run the channels and alternate with Lewis Potter above.
FWD – Ben Brereton Diaz (Blackburn) – Scores goals, a handful in the air and holds the ball up.
That’s the list. As Unitedites, we know better than getting our hopes up. Scanning through the names, two words spring to mind…dream on.
Who is your dream signing?
Let us know if you agree or disagree with the contributors below, and have a go yourself:
Diaz would work! Surely.
Let's also pick up Santiago Giménez from Cruz Azul. Based purely on FIFA 22, although any of these suggested have a lot more reality than mine!
Oh boy, a dream team in the making there.
But not having insider knowledge of our finances, I think it might truly be a case of "dream on" . . .
Although just imagine Diaz in a Blades' shirt - mmmmmmm.