Away Day Wiz Diaries #18 – Sheffield United 1-0 Sheffield Wednesday

Victory at the Theatre of Rust. Does it get any better?

Alan Pickard

I might not have ever said this, but I really thought long and hard about whether I wanted to commit to a diary entry for every game this season. I knew we'd do OK, though I didn't expect us to be title challengers. I knew I'd be at almost every game, though I didn't know if I'd actually have something to say. And I knew that I'd have to write about defeat, though I didn't expect there'd be so few. Those aren't the reasons I thought long and hard, though. Playing these lot was the reason. Because when you put yourself out there, you open yourself up. And if they'd won, they'd have read and commented and blah blah blah. But I gambled. And they didn't win. Because they're shite.

It was my birthday five days before the game, big one too. 40. Which means I'm old enough to recollect a few victories in S6. And because I'm not about to tell you much about my very short journey, here's a selection.

11th March 1992 -

Them lot 1 v 3 Sheffield United.

My first ever derby at S6 – rained a lot, like a real lot – Bobby Davison on debut grabbing two, with a member of United royalty, Dane Whitehouse, getting the other. Threw the form book straight out the window to claim a famous double.

1st April 2001 -

Them lot 1 - 2 Sheffield United.

Pigs turned up armed with Premiership return season tickets against Warnock's bunch of misfits, having drawn 1-1 at the best stadium in Sheffield earlier in the season. Unfortunately, once again United exerted dominance over the self-proclaimed massive, with superstar Laurent D'Jaffo and Carl Asaba grabbing the goals.

18th February 2006 -

Them lot 1 - 2 Sheffield United.

By this point, the Premiership return tickets were looking like excellent value for money and, simultaneously, a lie. Warnock was once again the pantomime villain at the Circus of Rust as we completed an easy league double over them. Ade Akinbiyi nearly took the net off in his only memorable moment as a Sheffield United player, and academy graduate Michael Tonge whipped one into the top corner from somewhere near the top of Grenoside.

24th September 2017 -

I wasn’t there. Watched it in the pub. Battered ‘em. Six years in League One. Promoted. Destroyed what little confidence they still had after Mo Diamé had won the Puskás Award at Wembley. Have that.

Shall we talk about beating them again on the 16th of March 2025 now?

Go on, then.

Our day started in the Cobden View at Crookes. Owned by top Blade Andy Bodsworth. Opened at 9 for us and provided the bacon sarnies (appropriate breakfast before a pig farm visit). Lovely boozer that is, by the way. If you're up that way, pay them a visit.

A game of pool was followed by a game of Jenga. That was actually going really well, with around 10 people involved, when Jack Hadfield decided he’d had enough, screamed "AHMEDHODZIC!" and knocked it down with his head. I think it was about to fall anyway. Good harmless fun, though. With nerve-settling beers, of course, before a short taxi ride down towards the ground.

Once we’d passed through Hillsborough Corner, where we got to count all 56 brain cells being shared between at least a thousand Wednesdayites, the taxi dropped us off at the top of Hillsborough Park. We had a steady walk down to Leppings Lane, where I made a prediction – I fancy Brewster to pull an Akinbiyi out the bag today! We studied the team news. No Souza. He’s the big miss, the one we don’t look right without. That’s bound to give them a lift. The welcome committee was beginning to gather outside the Park Hotel. But, nowt doing. Straight into the ground with minimal fuss.

Had to see ‘em off first 15 minutes. Cooper made a regulation save from a bang-average header on target. Then we started to play. And once the ball went on the deck, you could see the difference in quality. Though you could tell it was nervy. And why the groundsman uses a plough to cut the grass there, I'll never know. Cabbage patch of a pitch.

Max Lowe got injured to the surprise of, well, nobody actually. And the rest of the half petered out. All a bit meh. Half-time discussions were all about keeping the ball on the floor, because that would win us the game, that bit of quality that we've got over them.

Second half kicked off and again they came out like a steam train, but it was obvious they couldn’t keep that up for a full half. And just after the hour mark, we got the ball on the deck. Sydie sliding it down the line to Tyrese, who managed to keep it, dribble it and fire it across the box, through the hands of Jeremy Beadle, straight into the path of the best £23.5 million we've ever spent, Rhian Brewster, who fired into the empty net.

Pure ecstasy. Limbs, pyro, a world record attempt at flicking as many Vs towards the rusted North Stand as possible. It had the lot. Bodies everywhere. Bedlam. That upper-tier roof nearly came off. The rust must have held it on somehow!!

And for the first time all day, I now feel nervous! But I had little to worry about. Because even though they managed to create a couple of bits, we've got England's future number one between the sticks. He’s not my alternative MOTM; he’s my actual MOTM. Special mention to the two academy kids, Peck and Seriki – they stood up to the task like seasoned pros. The future is bright for those boys in red and white.

Victory at the Theatre of Rust. Does it get any better?

Well, it turns out it does. Wilder’s interview post-match, where he spends 16 minutes detailing why we’re better than them on every metric possible – salt in the wounds. And more post-match beers at The Hotel and The Lord Nelson rounded off a marvellous day.

Alternative MOTM – The bloke in the white jumper that launched himself flying down the netting during the goal celebrations. Hope you’re all right, whoever you are!!

See you at Oxford, Wiz.