Away Day Wiz Diaries #10 – Blackburn and Bristol City

Two big away games for the Wiz, with good pies, irritating plod and a generous Paul Heaton. Plus a coded message.

Alan Pickard

For the second time this season, I'm coming at you with a double away day diary. You see, the super duper fixture computer has decided that we should make a trip to Blackburn (an hour and half away) on a Saturday dinnertime, and the convenient trip to Bristol (nearly via Wales - more about that later) on a Tuesday. I've been told this is actually done on purpose. So whoever decided this, thanks for effing nowt ya pudding. Strap yourself in, this could be a bit lengthy, and there's a prize of a big thumbs up to those observant enough to spot my hidden message. 

Ultimately, football is really enjoyable when you're winning. And it's crap when you lose. So after the previous two away days to Leeds and Middlesbrough (which is not in Yorkshire I don't care what they think, it's just not, oreyt?), the mood setting off to Blackburn was one of "I’ll take a point here" against a side unbeaten at home all season and in the top six. On top of that, we've lost on our previous two visits to Ewood, a brilliant ground built by the late Jack Walker, even if its too big for ‘em and three-quarters complete. 

Coach Threat from the Five-O: COACHES WILL BE SEARCHED ON ARRIVAL AT THE STADIUM. It's getting pretty boring tbh, you're made to feel like a criminal before you get a chance to do anything wrong. And let's be honest, 99% of people are always well-behaved. We put this to the back of our minds however and headed to Darwen (which is inside the circle of doom - but pre-agreed by the plod), as we were booking into the Spitfire pub, which was opening early for us and putting Bacon and Sausage sandwiches — a very warm welcome, gratefully received. The plod were kind enough to pay us a visit and to be honest, they were pretty friendly. It's just the gawd damn rules that pickle ya bonce. 

Kick-off was preceded at Ewood Park by the traditional paying of respects to those who have served the country in the armed forces. "For the fallen" was read by the club chaplain, the last post was played by the bugler, and a period of silence was observed impeccably by all those in attendance. Why people feel the need to shush during the silence is beyond me, as a shush only adds to the minimal noise, but there we are. A touching couple of minutes before the action got underway. 

We started the game on the back foot-ish, without ever really looking like we were going to concede, before getting a bit more control around 15 minutes in. And when I say a bit more control, I mean we went one nil up. Rak Sakyi got free down the right, cut inside played it in, a bit of pinball, Vini miss-hits a shot which cannons into the path of RobertoHarrison CarlosBurrows who smashes the ball into the corner of the net with such force that had it missed the ball boy would have had to travel to Burnley to fetch it. Pandemonium ensues in the away end. The only other highlight of what turned into a dull first half was Jack Robinson channelling his inner Paolo Maldini with a bit of dancing to outfox two on-rushing Blackburn attackers.

Each and every one of us in the away end knew we'd need another goal to make it comfortable, and after Kieffer Moore had one tipped over, and one cleared off the line, Tyrese Campbell made it 2 in 2 with an acrobatic rebound finish in the second half after some excellent and unselfish work from the big Welshman wearing 9. Oli Arblaster tried to lob the keeper from 35 yards only to be thwarted by the covering defender and the Blackburn sub was lucky to not be arrested for attempted murder after a forearm smash on Vini Souza which left the 4000-strong travelling wizards baffled as to whether the ref had forgotten his red card. All in all, though, a superb second-half performance which raised those confidence levels in the fanbase again after a couple of disappointing away performances.

Desperately lacking contenders in my usual alternative MOTM award. Instead, how about an ordinary one? Which goes to Keiffer Moore. As Chris said pre-Bristol, I'm not sure what some fans want. He's doing just fine in my opinion. Keep it up, big lad. However, I would like to give a huge shout-out to the Yasser Larouci enthusiast who stood in front of me. 

No sooner had we arrived home from Ewood when thoughts turned to a trip to Bristol in 72 hours’ time. For me, that means thinking about getting home at 2am with work the next morning. This had better be bloody worth it United. I'm not travelling all that way to watch us lose 1-0. 

Ever the optimist (ish) I've got a bet on. United to win 3-1 Harrison Burrows to score and Vini to be carded. So I think it’s fair to say Saturday’s result has lifted my optimism, as I hadn't bothered to check Bristol City’s recent form, which, when I do check, dampens my spirits somewhat. But there's a feeling in the air as we make the long journey down the M1 / M42 and M5 that tonight could be quite special. Starting off with a little refreshment stop in Thornbury. Where?? Never heard of it, but we're on with Handsworth Blades tonight and they're calling the shots. First impression is: this place looks really bloody nice and we quickly end up in The Swan on the high street where there's already a gathering of Blades from Donny, and the Penny Black lot are here too. I needed food. I ordered food. Steak pie, with mash and gravy. Food arrives, food is good. This place is better than I've given it credit for here, and it's been added to the list of stop-off locations for when we travel to, erm, just Bristol actually. I'd compare the place to Yarm. Most excellent.

So, the next bit is to travel to Bristol. From Thornbury. Just look on your maps at which general direction that is. Go on, go and check. Have you done it? South. It can only be described as south. So it did come as somewhat of a surprise that the driver has decided to drive west. Towards Wales. On the M4. A quick Dickie Bird in his ear and he's done a quick spin round and we're now going the right way, but he seems to have lost all ability to follow the instructions on the sat nav so we’re now going the long way around. We finally get off the Ken Loach at 7:46. Kick-off missed, but we’re here, we're safe and there’s a magical mist about Ashton Gate. Another nice ground after its redevelopment this one, but like Ewood Park, it's three quarters finished and the away end is the unfinished part.

Data. That's the reason for so many changes again apparently. A bloke with a pie chart tells the gaffer which players can start to "maximise the output". What a load of bollocks. Against modern football. Rant over, Anyway, where was I? Ahhh yes. The game, so the first half was largely uneventful really, Gus Hamer smashed one off the inside of the beans on toast, but other than that it was somewhat cagey with both sides cancelling each other out. Maybe, there isn't anything magical in the air. A half time pint of cider was accompanied by a spot of celebrity spotting as Paul Heaton is on the concourse having countless selfies with Unitedites. 

And before we know it we're into the second half, which just explodes into life in the 74th minute as Bristol finally looks like they've broken through our defence, only for Michael Cooper to smash the attacker to the ground, conceding a penalty which was subsequently spanked into the corner of the net. Great. I've actually travelled all this way to watch us lose 1-0, haven't I? Never fucking change united. Furthermore, 5 minutes before this Big Kieffer has had to be subbed back off with an injury and now we're relying on an 18-year-old to do a bit. It never rains does it..... BUT THEN, BUT THEN. The ball comes in from a corner, six foot seven and his name is Harry Souttar heads it back across goal and up highest is the Loch Ness Drogba to stick his ManChild head on the ball and it loops into the top corner of the net. 87th minute drama. You love to see it.

You might want to strap yourselves in at this point. As the fourth official strides forward to hoist his board up to reveal 8 minutes of added time, Callum O'hare breaches the Bristol City defence and takes a touch in behind Rob Dickie who is left with no option but to pull him down. The referee reaches for his pocket to produce a red card and Bristol City are down to ten, and we’ve now got Gus Hamer and Harrison Burrows stood over a free kick, 25 yards out. I told you, the mist in the air, I knew something magic would happen. The ball goes over the wall and curls straight towards the top corner. But the keeper is equal to it. No magic just yet. As the 8 minutes added time ticks into the 8th of those minutes, Vini Souza clips one into the box, they don’t deal with and it falls to Gus 25 yards out. Who shifts it sideways to the Mosboro soldier, Oli Arblaster. He finds a delicate through ball into Harrison Burrows who nearly takes the fucking net off!! Pandemonium. Absolute pandemonium. A magical moment that serves as a reminder of why we do it. Beautiful. My alternative man of the match goes to Paul Heaton for giving up his own time without any moaning to have photos with his fans at half time. 

PS. Hope you found the hidden message. Into em United. 

See you at Coventry Wiz.