A United soundtrack: number ones in Blades history

Andrew “Roy Panchero Weirdo” Hague takes a look at which songs were topping the charts during pivotal moments in the history of Sheffield United

26/12/79

Event: The Boxing Day Massacre 
Number one song at the time: Another Brick in The Wall, Part 2 - Pink Floyd

The most depressing Christmas number one of all time for the most depressing Christmas of all time. The Floyd classic, with its lyrical musings on indoctrination, is perhaps fitting for those Wednesday fans who infamously pass down their shit through the generations about how The Owls are one of the biggest clubs in the land and have more fans than Barcelona.  

18/01/81

Event: Martin Peters appointed manager 
Number one song at the time: Imagine - John Lennon 

Lennon’s song of hope sat alongside the feelings of Unitedites who were greatly optimistic following the appointment of former England World Cup winner Martin Peters as player-manager. 

What could go wrong?…

02/05/81

Event: Relegation to the Fourth Division
Number one song at the time: Making Your Mind Up - Bucks Fizz

…Yeah, the Peters appointment didn’t go too well, as The Blades were relegated to the bottom tier of the English Football League for the first and only time in their history. In more positive news, Bucks Fizz won Eurovision, which I am sure consoled Blades fans as they contemplated trips to Torquay, Aldershot and Darlington.

15/05/82

Event: Fourth Division champions 
Number one song at the time: A Little Peace - Nicole

Another Eurovision winner at the top of the charts as The Blades beat Darlington 2-0 to bounce back to the Third Division at the first attempt. Not a particularly apt song for the time, as Nicole sang of peace and love whilst Blades were mainly kicking and being kicked by rival fans. 

15/05/84 

Event: Promotion to Second Divison
Number one song at the time: The Reflex - Duran Duran

A song about masturbation that possibly reflected what many Blades fans were up to after Hull failed to get the 3-0 win they needed against Burnley to pip The Blades to promotion. The B-side was a cover of Steve Harley’s “Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me)” which would later feature on The Fully Monty. 

21/01/88

Event: Dave Bassett appointed as manager 
Number one song at the time: Heaven Is a Place on Earth - Belinda Carlisle

Heaven really was a place on earth for Blades fans after Bassett guided the Blades to successive promotions. Before the highs came a low, though…

18/05/88

Event: United relegated to the Third division 
Number one song at the time: Theme from S’Express - S’Express

United’s first taste of the play-offs was soundtracked by this landmark Acid House classic. The play-off Format was different back in 1988, with the team just finishing above the relegation zone in the higher division playing the team finishing just below the promotion places in the one below. United finished just above relegation, but had to play Bristol City in a two-legged affair, where the winner would play in the Second Division the season after. This being the play-offs, United lost and ruined the ‘Second Summer of Love’ like a criminal justice bill. 

09/05/89

Event: United Promoted to the Second Division
Number one song at the time: Eternal Flame - The Bangles

A 2-2 draw at Molineux saw both the Blades and Wolves promoted to the Second Division. The scenes of two sets of supporters celebrating together either left you beaming with love or feeling queasy. These same feelings divided people when they heard the number one song at the time. 

05/05/90

Event: Blades promoted back to the top flight 
Number one song at the time: Vogue - Madonna 

The ’89/’90 season was arguably the greatest in Blades history. Not only did United go up against all the odds, but Wednesday were the team they replaced in the First Division. A 5-2 win at Leicester for the Blades and a 3-0 defeat at Hillsborough to Forest for the Pigs saw the two Sheffield clubs swap places on the same day. As the Green ‘Un printed their now legendary “Blades Glory, Owls Down’ headline, Madonna was queen of the charts with her song ‘Vogue’. In the video, Madge wore her famous ‘cone bra’ which was the second sexiest thing of 1990 behind Brian Deane’ s sweat-drenched luminous Laver-sponsored away shirt. Still the greatest shirt in the history of the game (and the first-ever luminous shirt used by a club in England).     

11/03/92

Event: United complete the double over Wednesday
Number one song at the time: Stay - Shakespears Sister

I don’t know if you have noticed, but Wednesday fans are pretty cocky: never more than when they were riding high in the top flight, back in the early ’90s. Their arrogance backfired on them when United won the first top-flight derby in 23 years with a 2-0 win at The Lane back in November. Despite this, and undeterred as always, Wednesdayites said it was a fluke and the return fixture at Hillsborough would prove just how much better they were than us. United started the game in the relegation zone and the Owls were third, but a Bobby Davison double saw the Blades run out as 3-1 victors. Meanwhile, ‘Stay’ by Shakespears Sister was basically Bananarama gone emo, which to me is a good thing. 

03/4/93

Event: All-Sheffield Wembley semi-final
Number one song at the time: Oh Carolina - Shaggy

‘Young At Heart’ by The Bluebells went to number one just a few hours after the match finished, but technically the number one song as Sheffield stood still was ‘Oh Carolina’ by Jamaican legend Shaggy.  A fun, feel-good reggae track for a horrible, wet Sunday when the baddies won.

14/07/93

Event: Deane sold to Leeds
Number one song at the time: Dreams - Gabrielle

I never liked this song and I now wonder whether that’s because it subconsciously reminds me of this sale. No worries though, I’m sure Bassett will get the money for an adequate replacement…

07/05/94

Event: Blades relegated from the Premier League
Number one song at the time: The Real Thing - Tony Di Bart

...United replaced Deane with Jostein Flo and were subsequently relegated from the recently-formed Premier League. A truly shite occasion, as United were safe at every point on the last day of the season until Mark Bastard Stein’s last-minute goal gave Chelsea a 3-2 win. Like Stein, Toni Di Bart did piss all after this one-hit wonder. 

12/12/95

Event: Dave Bassett leaves
Number one song at the time: Earth Song - Michael Jackson

It was sad seeing Bassett go after he brought so many great times to Bramall Lane, but for me it was much sadder when ‘Earth Song’  held off ‘Wonderwall’ by The Mike Flowers Pops to grab that year’s Christmas Number One. I never trusted the British public after that and I think my mistrust has since been proven to be correct (No, I’m not on about Brexit, so don’t start writing in and kicking off). 

26/05/97

Event: Play-off final loss to Crystal Palace
Number one song at the time: You’re Not Alone - Olive

I wasn’t alone as I was surrounded by 40,000 United fans, but my God did I feel alone. My first and only trip to the old Wembley and David Hopkins ruined it. I was only 15. What kind of savage does such a thing?

16/01/98

Event: Deane and Fjørtoft sold on the same day
Number one song at the time: Perfect Day - various artists

I don’t even have to say anything here. Perfect Day my arse.

02/12/99

Event: Warnock appointed
Number one song at the time: Millennium Prayer - Cliff Richard

He does think he’s Jesus, let’s be honest.

26/05/03

Event: Play-off defeat to Wolves 
Number one song at the time: Ignition (Remix) - R. Kelly 

If  Wolves want to go up to the soundtrack of a man who’s currently serving 30 years in prison then that’s up to them. Not in our name, though.

15/04/06 

Event: Blades promoted to the Premier League
Number one song at the time: Crazy - Gnarls Barkley 

As Leeds failed to beat Reading at Elland Road, Sheffield United were promoted back to the top flight after 12 years. Gnarls Barkley undoubtedly has the soundtrack of the summer as his hit “Crazy” topped the charts for 9 weeks. 

13/05/07 

Event: Relegation From the Premier League
Number one song at the time: Beautiful Liar - Beyoncé

One of the darkest and most controversial, days in United’s history.  I doubt many Blades left Bramall Lane that afternoon and rushed home to hear what was number one in the charts. ‘Beautiful Liar’ by Beyoncé didn't sum up the mood in the way a song called ‘You cheating cockney bastards and I hope Scudamore dies too’ would have. 

25/05/09

Event: Play-off final defeat to Burnley
Number one song at the time: Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas 

Shit match, shit song. Piss off.

30/4/11

Event: Relegated to League One
Number one song at the time: Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO

LMFAO indeed. To be fair, this relegation had been coming for a long time, so didn’t have the same gut punch that others have. Still, it’s never nice seeing Barnsley fans taking the piss out of you. It’s never nice seeing Barnsley fans at all, actually. As their former striker Georgi Hristov once said: “The local girls are far uglier than the ones back in Belgrade or Skopje, the capital of Macedonia, where I come from. Our women are much prettier. Besides, they don't drink as much beer as the Barnsley girls, which is something I don't like at all.”

26/05/12

Event: Play-off final loss to Huddersfield
Number one song at the time: R.I.P. - Rita Ora

Steve Simonsen said “RIP” to his United career as a season of sensational mistakes culminated in him booting the ball into the sun that had burnt thousands of United fans at Wembley. I would like to say he lay inconsolable on the floor after, but literally nobody tried to console him. The players were likely at one with the fans in thinking he was an idiot. 

12/05/16

Event: Wilder appointed 
Number one song at the time: One Dance - Drake

‘One Dance’ is the joint-second longest consecutive number one in UK chart history, with 15 weeks at the top spot. As for Chris Wilder, whatever happened to him?

15/04/17 

Event: Blades promoted as Bolton lose at Oldham
Number one song at the time: Shape of You - Ed Sheeran 

If you were listening to this song whilst celebrating United going up, you were unequivocally doing promotion wrong. 

24/09/17

Event: Bouncing Day
Number one song at the time: Too Good at Goodbyes - Sam Smith

If you were listening to this song whilst celebrating United beating Wednesday, you were unequivocally doing Bouncing Day wrong. 

28/04/19

Event: Villa draw with Leeds and the Blades are promoted
Number one song at the time: Old Town Road - Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus 

The only link I can find between this song and United is that it features Billy Ray Cyrus, who is more famous for penning the melody to “We’ve got Madine, Gary Madine, I just don’t think you understand”.

Anyway, the Blades were up and who gave a shit what was at number one? Admittedly, that could be said for any song in this list, which renders everything you have just read completely pointless. Hope you enjoyed it though.  

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Andrew Hague is a friend first, podcaster second, probably entertainer third. He runs Roy’s View From and you can find him arguing with opposition fans on Twitter @Panchero.